By Merle Ginsberg

“If you can't be better than your competition, just dress better.” 

 – Anna Wintour

►Reality Fashion Shows: Neither the fashionable famed steps of Cannes’s Palais des Festival nor the fast-paced spate of three recent luxury brand Cruise runway shows within one week set out as fashion reality competitions - where picking winners and losers became social media sport, among fashion prognosticators and philistines.  Fashion red carpets and runways are now about reality – and perception – for the masses.

►Cannes Recap: Do's & Don'ts: Cannes may have banned naked dresses, but it didn’t ban fashion faux pas. And thank goodness for it. Renate Reinsve’s abdomen (in yet another Louis Vuitton split open piece) was on display – and it’s puzzling. Who’s telling Renate an A list actress must show torso ad nauseum (in LV at the VF Oscar party, another at BAFTA awards) - ? Sydney Sweeney?

►Don'ts: Could Cannes judge Demi Moore wear any more looks? She donned thirteen dresses, each one a different color and cut.  Instead of "a perky thumbs up," I say “don’t,” as in: “Don’t try so hard.” A Cannes judge shouldn’t dress like a fashion-rabid movie star. How can you take films seriously when you spend three hours a day in fittings, hair and makeup? Among her myriad fashion ostentation: a maxi fur vest, outlandish ballgowns, semi sheer bodycons, sequin halters, all over-gilded with diamond chokers and earrings. Her vibe: “I’m the most glamorous one here” (true); and “I didn’t win an Oscar but I’m winning the fashion game.” Sorry. desperate overdressed cries for attention never win. Demi needs to show up in Gap jeans and a t shirt one of these days. Or not show up at all.

►Kristen Stewart's new Blazy/Chanel red and black beaded bodycon gown was way too flashy for her downtown girl vibe and lawn mower-chopped hair. Her next Chanel, a very sheer gray top and skirt, was both boxy and semi-nude – as if Lolita dressed like a boy. Oh, well: even Blazy can be blasé’.

►Chanel Ambassador Tilda Swinton somehow had her slim gams in in both do and don’t camps: her white ombre Chanel two piece pajama look, as in “I slept in this,” was a real bump in her (and Blazy’s) normally flawless road. However, Tilda’s red pleated Chanel goddess gown was so modern chic, it cancelled out that first sloppy sleepover party look. 

►Big Diamonds can Be a Girls Worst Don’t: So many women in standout dresses paired them with heavy diamond chokers – which just got in the way, blinging out already blingy gowns. These intrusive jewels looked paid for; now, we know Chopard is a big Cannes sponsor, but – really?

►And - WTF? What were yesteryear’s supes Heidi Klum and Coco Rocha doing in Cannes dolled up in ridiculous ballgowns even a C lister would cringe at? Both win “The Unnecessary Ubiquity Award.”

►Do's: Cate Blanchett, once again, stole it all with her one ultra-bold look: a black and multi color Givenchy fringed gown by Sarah Burton.

►To my mind, Cannes’ best dressed was director/Cannes judge Chloe Zhao: in almost no makeup, jewelry or noticeable hairdresser, her choices, which varied, stood out more for their variety and intent: particularly a Schiaparelli couture nicknamed “the Isabella Blowfish.” Two Gabriela Hearst looks: a red long sleeved maxi and a black leather jacket over a black lace gown – and a baggy daytime Bottega sweater – showed a real reluctance to conform to staid Cannes glamour (tight gown, big diamonds, stilettos). Chloe claims she did it all herself, but some credit belongs to stylist Deborah Afshani, who is said to have helped wrangle Chloe’s looks. “Chloe is inspired by the Gnostic Bible, Mary Magdalene, and the symbolism of that,” designer Gabriela Hearst shared. Well, those are good looks, too.

►Redeemed, Tilda’s and Renate’s second choices were comebacks. Reinsve hid her stomach muscles and borrowed Sentimental Value co-star Stellan Skargard’s oversize three-piece French luxury brand Amis grey suit and tie – a play on Amanda Seyfried wearing Julia Roberts’ Versace blazer the Cannes before.

►Cannes Couple Chic: Alicia Vikander’s two simple white Louis Vuitton gowns were lit up by the smile on her face, standing next to husband Michael Fassbender, in tux and John Lobb loafers, for their movie Hope. His daytime looks: bombers and khaki’s, looked even more graceful than his tux. 

►See Cruise: In the space of a week, three of the world’s biggest luxury brands held jet-setting Cruise 2027 shows outside of their home base: Dior at LA’s new Geffen Galleries; Gucci in Times Square and Louis Vuitton at New York’s Frick Museum. Who had the smoothest sailing? Or stormy weather?

►LOCATION GETS: 

Dior: L.A.’s brand new Geffen Galleries: perfect for Jonathan Anderson’s cinematic old Hollywood mission. LA’s brutalist wonderland is being very picky about show environs since Jonathan Anderson came aboard.

Gucci: Times Square, flashy and trashy with wry looks by Demna, below 30 busy billboards, as he continues his in-joke take on old Gucci glam.

LV: NY’s Gilded-Age style Frick Museum, the total opposite of Nicolas Ghesquire’s boxy futurism. Purposeful dissonance – or tone deaf?

►Best Clothes in Most Fitting Locale: Dior’s beaded Hollywood-inspired beauties surrounded by Klieg lights and Old Hollywood muscle cars at LACMA felt like well thought out synchronicity

►Most Distracting Locale: Demna’s parody of same-old tight Gucci slick, v. the chaos of nighttime on The Deuce: Times Square emerged triumphant

►High Art vs. Cartoon Art: Held at Upper Fifth Avenue’s glorious Beaux-Arts Frick Museum, Louis Vuitton’s cruise collection couldn’t have clashed more with Nicolas Ghesquiere’s Jetsons/ boxy Keith Haring cartoonish 80’s inspired clothes – almost as much as his tops clashed with bottoms.

►Who Doesn't Want a Piece of Annie Hall? Diane Keaton was iconic for her seminal style sense of style. Now a curated collection of her fashion, art, books, movie memorabilia, will be part of several upcoming Bonhams NY and LA “Diane Keaton: The Architecture of an Icon” auctions. Bowler hats, Ralph Lauren suits, Comme des Garcons pieces, starting June 6 (dates at Bonhams.com)

►June 1st marked the 100th birthday of Hollywood’s ultimate icon: Marilyn Monroe. The centennial tributes include a Heritage Auction of wardrobe spanning 1955 to 1962 This month, Julien’s Auction House offers Marilyn memorabilia with historically significant pieces, including evening gowns. And there are plenty of Marilyn product collabs: new Icon Skincare debuted June 1, tied to Marilyn’s icon status with an unveiling at The Academy Museum. You can even walk in MM’s shoes: reproductions from Nine West just launched the Nine West x Marilyn Monroe Collection. 

►Odds and Ends Indeed: In the upcoming trial of former Givenchy and Burberry star designer Riccardo Tisci, accused of drug-induced sexual assault of a NY man a year ago, an Italian rock star named Mahmood may be called to testify as a witness to the alleged crime.  Julianne Moore was telling people at Cannes that she actually has a previously unannounced role in Tom Ford’s Cry to Heaven . . .

►Trunk-ated: Cool mens’ swimsuit brand Orlebar Brown is opening at The Brentwood Country Mart … Agolde, the upscale premium denim concept created by the late Adriano Goldschmied, “the godfather of denim” - opened its first flagship mid May at 8407 Melrose Place. Bobbi Brown’s second hit makeup brand, Jones Road, is opening a store on Montana Ave. . The kick of the summer is LV’s Buttersoft Sneaker by Pharrell, designed for and modeled by J-Hope of BTS... The Anine Bing boutique in Weho is installing a café, Leora, staring June 5, with frozen beverages, for three (hot) months.

►The Devil's Got A Brand New Bag: If you couldn’t place some Miranda’s or Andy’s designer bags in TDWP2, they hail from an odd collab between Venetian leather group Dellaluna and Louvre Abu Dhabi. Strange bedfellows, perhaps, but DWP 2 costumer Molly Rogers whisked them to the movie’s set herself. Coming soon to a red carpet near you.

►The New Old: New trends get recycled from old – and odd – images. Case in point: those new cat-eyed white frame sunglasses Demi Moore donned at Cannes; hers by Christie Horn by Morgenthal Frederics; retail $2895. Their possible precedents: this futuristic alien and Audrey Hepburn in 1967's Two For the Road.

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